


Extra! Extra! Read All About It!

by SnowflakesandMozart



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Alderaan, Death Star, Gen, Newspapers, Parody, Wilhuff Tarkin has a soft spot, and gossip rags, don't forget the gossip rags, homeschool assignment for the win, why yes the gffa has newspapers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:13:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23387932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnowflakesandMozart/pseuds/SnowflakesandMozart
Summary: Alderaan . . . from a certain point of view . . .
Relationships: Leia Organa & Luke Skywalker & Han Solo
Kudos: 21





	1. Aldera Guardian

**Author's Note:**

> This little project started life as an exam for my homeschool students, who had been studying media literacy. I crafted the articles to include bias and propaganda; the students were instructed to identify whether the sources were reliable, biased, or propaganda. 
> 
> And gossip. Of course, gossip. Because I want them to recognize it in the real world.
> 
> But you don't think I'm going to actually let my children read The National Enquirer, do you?

1/22/00001 P.A.  
[2 June 25,053 GSC]  
{04.26.00019 FGE}  
 **Page 1**

**Editorial notice** : Due to recent tragic events, this paper has been printed by a cooperative agreement between the Aldera _Guardian_ and the Chandrila _Journal-Times_. The _Guardian_ offers this first issue post-Alderaan to give in depth reporting and analysis on the current galactic situation. Following this issue, the paper will resume regular printing on a weekly basis.

**A note on dating** : The Galactic Standard Calendar (GSC) has been the official calendar of the Alliance to Restore the Republic since its inception. The Aldera _Guardian_ historically used a dual dating system employing both the traditional Alderaanian system and the Galactic Standard Calendar. Upon the foundation of the Empire, the _Guardian_ was required by Imperial decree to adopt the new system exclusively. With the destruction of the planet on which the Alderaanian system was based, the editors of the _Guardian_ have determined to date all subsequent issues from that destruction. We will never forget this atrocity and we will never allow the Empire or the galaxy to forget it. The _Guardian_ will proclaim the truth about Alderaan until our dead have justice!

**Sneak Attack Destroys Alderaan, Alliance Blows Death Star to Pieces**

YAVIN 4 - On May 11 the Empire launched an unprovoked sneak attack on the planet Alderaan, using its superweapon known as the _Death Star_.

The station, under the command of Grand Moff Wilhuff Tarkin, fired on the planet without warning. The destruction of the planet was intended as a demonstration of the power of the Empire and its willingness to destroy its own people to maintain its stranglehold on the galaxy, according to Princess Leia Organa of Alderaan, who was present at the time.

"The Alliance had heard rumors of a superweapon for years, and last month special operatives succeeded in obtaining the plans of the Death Star," the princess said. "I was tasked to take the plans to my father [Viceroy Bail Organa] on Alderaan, but my ship was intercepted by Darth Vader. When it became obvious that I could not escape capture, I passed the plans to another operative.

"Lord Vader questioned me for several days aboard the Death Star, but I refused to give up the location of the Alliance base. Governor Tarkin summoned me to the bridge of that monstrosity and threatened to destroy Alderaan unless I revealed it [the location]. To buy time, I gave him the name of an abandoned base, but that egomaniacal, emaciated bootlicker turned to the crew and ordered them to fire anyway. Then he said the planet I had named was too remote to be an 'effective demonstration' to the galaxy.

"You know what the worst part of it all was?" she added. "Not one person on that bridge — crewman, officer, not even Lord Vader — objected in any way. They just _followed orders!_ "

The princess was rescued by Captain Han Solo and First Mate Chewbacca of the freighter _Millennium Falcon_ along with Luke Skywalker, now a fighter pilot in the Alliance. Captain Solo had been hired to bring Princess Leia's contact to Alderaan but the planet was destroyed before his ship arrived in the system. The Empire tractored in the freighter but the crew eluded capture and was able to free the princess and escape with the plans intact.

Techs analyzed the data and discovered a small flaw in the station's security measures. An exhaust port led directly from the surface to the reactor core, and a direct hit on the port by a torpedo could ignite a chain reaction and destroy the Death Star.

Fighter Command scrambled all available pilots, including the newly arrived Luke Skywalker, a youth from the Outer Rim planet of Tatooine. The battle was a desperate but necessary gamble since the Death Star had tracked the _Millennium Falcon_ to an Alliance base and was threatening to destroy the planet. The station's defenses were formidable and only three pilots survived the attack: Luke Skywalker, Wedge Antilles, and Evaan Verlaine.

"It was pretty terrifying," said Skywalker in a recent interview. "I'd only flown in atmosphere before, so it was my first time piloting a spacecraft and my first battle. I watched the other pilots make the run down the trench — my squadron leader even got close enough to fire his torpedoes — but he didn't get a direct enough hit for them to go in. He got shot down as he pulled up after his run.

"By then there were only three of us left from Red Squadron, so we formed a wing and started our run. I guess the Imps were finally getting concerned, because Han told me later the guy on our tail was Darth Vader. He was awfully good.

"He shot down Biggs [Darklighter], my best friend back from Tatooine, and then he hit Wedge's ship. I told Wedge to scram and just focused on getting that shot. Then Han dove in behind Vader and shot him. Didn't kill him unfortunately. Anyway, that gave me the chance to fire my torpedoes. Without having to dodge the enemy, it was pretty simple. I just consider myself lucky to have been in the right place to help out."

In answer to a question about his future plans, he said, "I'm not sure really. I mean, I'm in the fighter corps, so I'll be flying, but Wedge and I are the only ones left from our squadron. I don't know yet where we'll be assigned. I hope it's together, though."

Han Solo declined to be interviewed for this article.

Mon Mothma, the unofficial head of the Alliance in the wake of Viceroy Organa's death, offered this comment. "The destruction of Alderaan was a wanton act of cruelty. By every definition it is a war crime: the targets were unarmed civilians, the purpose was to terrify the citizens of the galaxy, and the attack was both unprovoked and unannounced.

"The Alliance to Restore the Republic condemns this atrocity committed by the Galactic Empire in the strongest possible terms. That Moff Tarkin threatened the planet as part of a concerted campaign of torture and interrogation toward Princess Leia was reprehensible. But that he still gave the order to fire _after she had given him the intelligence he sought_ without first confirming its truth is only the most egregious example of the Galactic Empire's pursuit of power by any means and its willingness to use terror to rule.

"The Alliance to Restore the Republic will never forget the destruction of Alderaan and we will fight until we tear down every last remnant of the Galactic Empire. The Emperor's effort to quell the Alliance has only resulted in more star systems joining our cause. We will never forget!"

**Princess Leia Inherits Throne**

YAVIN 4 – Last week the Alderaanian Remnant held a referendum confirming Leia Organa, the Princess of Alderaan and only daughter of Queen Breha and Viceroy Bail Organa, as the new Queen of Alderaan. The turmoil caused by the recent tragic destruction of the planet of Alderaan and the deaths of the majority of its citizens raised questions about whether the office of Queen, already largely ceremonial, would continue.

The referendum also voted to determine the Remnant's form of government and whether to ally formally with the Alliance to Restore the Republic (ARR). In an overwhelming majority, the Remnant voted in favor of all three initiatives.

The new Remnant Council will have nine members, elected by the citizens of Alderaan. Any person who held Alderaanian citizenship at the time of the Destruction is eligible to vote. One of the first issues the new Council considers will be whether citizenship can be granted to anyone who does not already hold it. Another and greater question is how the Remnant should proceed in the galaxy now that our home planet does not exist. A number of solutions are being considered at this time.

The motion to confirm the princess's accession to her mother's title passed by the greatest margin. She is a symbol of her people's suffering but also of their survival. Although the monarchy has held little official power for centuries, the Queen has always led by moral authority and example. Queen Leia's accession is a message from the people of Alderaan to the rest of the galaxy that although the planet is gone, the people remain, still committed to justice, peace, and the restoration of democracy to the galaxy.

The referendum also resolved the Remnant's position within the ARR. The surviving number of Alderaanians is estimated at 10,000 or less, but in the wake of the tragedy at least half of that number have poured into the ranks of the Alliance. By an overwhelming majority, the people voted to openly rebel against the current galactic government.

"Really, what have we got to lose? What can the Empire do to punish us? Destroy our planet?" scoffed Tycho Celchu, a former TIE pilot who defected two weeks ago. When asked his plans now, he gave an unprintable reply and then added, "They trained me to fly — now I'm going to make them regret it."


	2. The Empire Times

_**The Empire Times  
**_ _The Official Source for All Galactic News_  
04.10.00019  
 **Page A1**

**Rebel Insurgents Attack Space Station: Emperor Declares Attack Terrorism  
** Pabiks Cango and Letitia Ekstetter  
 _Empire Times_

IMPERIAL CITY – The Emperor announced with great regret today that an advanced mining and research station was destroyed on 04.06.00019 by the Rebellion in an act of terrorism.

The station, designated DS-1, had been under development for two decades, according to the statement. Designed to extract ore from asteroids and mineral rich planetoids, the DS-1 was equipped with an enhanced laser capable of striking a small target with precision. Although the station was developed for peaceful use, the project's developers recognized that the powerful laser could be misappropriated as a weapon and could potentially be used to destroy an inhabited planet. For this reason, the designers included a full complement of surface-based weapons and accommodations for Imperial Naval personnel to protect against any attempt to board and hijack the facility.

As the station operated primarily in remote areas, His Majesty's government determined to place the station under the protection of the Imperial Navy, in order to prevent splinter groups or criminals from commandeering the station. It was staffed not only by the miners and researchers who carried out its primary mission, but by over 1 million members of the armed forces under the command of Grand Moff Tarkin. Due to recent concerns over increasing terrorist activity by insurgent groups, the station's defenses were augmented by several squadrons of TIE fighters.

Four days ago, as the station passed through an unidentified system en route to its next assignment, the DS-1 was attacked by the Rebellion, a splinter group that employs terrorist tactics in a vain effort to restore the failed and ineffective Galactic Republic. The Emperor, who served as the last Chancellor of the Republic, recognized the chaos into which the Republic had fallen and courageously led the effort to form the Galactic Empire.

In the nearly two decades since, His Imperial Majesty has restored peace and order to the galaxy. The subjects of our glorious empire have not known such prosperity and security in centuries. Every loyal citizen of this empire condemns this cowardly attack on a research station, intended to increase the galactic supply of metals such as duranium and paristeel, as well as rare minerals required in the manufacture of everything from electronics to high-grade building materials. The loss of this station will be felt for decades, as the economy of the Empire will now suffer from shortages of these vital materials to fuel economic growth.

His Imperial Majesty announced in the statement that he will not rest until he brings justice for the lives lost on the DS-1.

"This Empire has pursued a policy of peace throughout the galaxy. We will not negotiate with terrorists, bent on destabilizing the order and security that this Empire stands for. I have given orders to Lord Vader, the only survivor of the attack, to hunt down and destroy this Rebellion. In this unprovoked attack upon Imperial citizens, soldier and civilian alike, the Rebellion has roused the nexu. We will never forget and we shall never rest until the Rebellion is destroyed entirely."  
 **For more coverage and analysis, see p. A5**

**Mining Station Experiences Accident  
** Trenc Rince  
 _Empire Times_

According to a statement issued by the Imperial Navy today, the DS-1, a mining and research station, suffered a catastrophic accident on 04.03.00019 as it traveled through the Alderaan system, en route to open up a new star system for ore extraction. Tragically, the entire planet of Alderaan was destroyed in the resulting cataclysm.

The Imperial Navy is conducting an investigation into what caused the catastrophe. It is believed at this time that the accident may have been the work of saboteurs who adapted the specialized laser to destroy the planet.

Although the motives of any such alleged saboteurs are unknown at this time, this act of destruction may have been intended to draw attention to the Rebellion and create sympathy for the Rebel cause among the star systems of the Empire.

It is thought that one of the saboteurs may have been the disgraced Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi. According to the official statement released by the navy, Darth Vader, who was aboard the DS-1 at the time, confirms that the Jedi Kenobi was sighted on the station the day Alderaan was destroyed. Such Jedi involvement in the alleged sabotage, if confirmed, would cast an even more sinister light on the plot, as the Jedi have long been known to have conspired against the lawful galactic government

Grand Vizier Sate Pestage stated in a press release late last evening, "The heartless destruction of Alderaan and the loss of its resources is a tragedy for the galaxy. Our thoughts are with those impacted by this dreadful event. The Imperial government and military are investigating the situation in order to prevent any such events in the future. The Rebellion will not prevail in destabilizing our glorious Empire that has brought peace and safety to the citizens of the galaxy."

**Darth Vader Found Alive**

GNS - Lord Darth Vader, missing in action and presumed dead following the alleged terrorist attack on the DS-1 on 04.06.00019, has been found alive.

Imperial High Command issued a statement that he personally led the TIE fighter wings in defending the DS-1 from the Rebels who attacked it. It was believed he had perished in the battle, as all other personnel aboard the station died when it was destroyed. However, the wreckage of his fighter was located yesterday.

All information regarding the location of the enemy action and Lord Vader's subsequent crash is classified. An unidentified source familiar with the situation would only state that the action occurred in the Outer Rim and that Lord Vader was injured very slightly. He has been hospitalized but is expected be released shortly.

The same source indicated that it is likely the Emperor will task Lord Vader with destroying the Rebellion once he is recovered.

**Senate Dissolved  
** Kwam-Tol Gudd  
 _Empire Times_

An official announcement from the Speaker of the Senate confirmed today that the Imperial Senate has been permanently dissolved.

Rumors of the dissolution had been circulating for several days, and with this statement, the scuttlebutt has become fact. The Senate, the final remnant of the ineffective Galactic Republic, has been increasingly redundant in the years since the establishment of the Empire, but Emperor Palpatine has been reluctant to do away with the last vestige of the once-glorious past.

Bowing to pressure from the increasingly vocal opponents of the Senate, the Emperor reluctantly announced that the dissolution has become necessary to the effective functioning of the galactic government. The representation and governance of star systems has devolved to the sector Moffs, granting official recognition to the de facto state of affairs.


	3. Corellia Chronicle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GNS=Galactic News Service, the GFFA version of the Associated Press or Reuters

* * *

**04.10.00019  
** Page A3

**Destruction of Alderaan:** **Empire Alleges Accident, ARR Claims Terrorism**

GNS – On 04.03.00019, the planet Alderaan was destroyed by an orbital space station designated the DS-1. According to a press release from Emperor Palpatine's press secretary, the DS-1 was a mining and research facility, tasked with extracting ore and other resources from areas where such operations have heretofore been prohibitively expensive.

Mon Mothma, former Imperial Senator for Chandrila and now leader of the resistance organization known as the Alliance to Restore the Republic, released a counter-statement claiming that the facility was a battle station designed for the sole purpose of destroying planets. According to the former Senator Mothma's statement, Grand Moff Wilhuff Tarkin destroyed Alderaan in the course of interrogating Princess Leia Organa of Alderaan about her alleged involvement with the ARR.

The ARR claims to have destroyed the DS-1, which the statement referred to as the _Death Star,_ on 04.06.00019. It is unknown whether the designation Death Star is the station's official full name or was created by the ARR. The statement was accompanied by footage apparently captured from the cockpit of a starfighter of the destruction of a globe-shaped structure in space. The structure's size was indeterminate with no known point of reference. The ARR claims it was the size of a small moon.

The Empire has tried and sentenced Princess Leia, Mon Mothma, and other members of the ARR to death in absentia and has posted substantial rewards for their capture, alive or dead.

**Darth Vader Given Command of Fifth Fleet**

GNS – Imperial Naval Command announced yesterday that command of Fifth Fleet has been assigned to Lord Darth Vader. Fifth Fleet is charged with security and patrol of the Outer Rim systems.

According to the press release which announced Lord Vader's new assignment, the fleet is tasked with restoring order to "rebellious" systems and capturing or neutralizing what the statement refers to as "dissident elements."

The Star Destroyer _Devastator_ , Lord Vader's current flagship, will also function as the fleet flagship until the official launch of the new Super Star Destroyer later this year. The SSD, currently undergoing its final drive tests at the Kuat Drive Yards, will assume the flagship position under Lord Vader's personal command. The official commissioning ceremony is scheduled for 11.11.00019.

**Senate Dissolved, Replaced by Council of Moffs**

GNS - In a long expected move, the Emperor formally dissolved the Galactic Senate late last week.

The Senate, according to Grand Vizier Sate Pestage, had been mired in gridlock for decades prior to the fall of the Republic. Following the establishment of the Empire, the gridlock improved somewhat under the guidance of Emperor Palpatine, who continued to function in the role of Supreme Chancellor, though he no longer held the title.

According to Pestage's statement, under the influence of alleged dissident elements in recent years the Senate's deliberations have become increasingly irrelevant to the functioning of the government. As the Senate's effectiveness declined, Pestage claimed, the Sector Moffs stepped up to perform the tasks of governance. Dissolving the Senate removes one more layer of inefficiency and self-interest from the imperial government, he said.

The Council of Moffs will meet regularly to provide counsel to Emperor Palpatine and to address cross-sector or multi-sector issues. The dissolution of the Senate is unlikely to affect the lives of ordinary citizens of the Empire, Pestage said, and the economy is expected to thrive under the new streamlined system.

The Alliance to Restore the Republic responded to Pestage's press conference with a statement condemning the move and calling it "an inexcusable act of totalitarianism." The ARR statement predicts increasing economic hardship as the Empire increases is "stranglehold" on the the galaxy. The statement also claimed that the dissolution of the Senate denies the citizens of the galaxy their last illusion of influence on the imperial government and vowed continued resistance to the "power hungry" Empire.


	4. Galactic Star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now for some gossip, GFFA style . . .

05.19.00019 FGE  
Page 24

**Princess Leia:** **Tragedy, Heartbreak, and Triumph  
** _Exclusive Interview  
_ by Nivanna Hexv, celebrity correspondent

On a partly sunny afternoon at a secret rebel base, Princess Leia Organa of Alderaan welcomes the crew of the _Galactic Star_ to her quarters for a frank conversation on her life as a former Imperial senator, as the last Princess of Alderaan, and as the only survivor of her family in her planet's holocaust. The princess is dressed with simple elegance in a long white Dousk Fintelli gown, belted at the waist, her rich chestnut hair in an elaborate braided up-do. Her makeup is classically understated, but it cannot hide the dark shadows under her eyes. Nevertheless, she gently smiles as she welcomes me and apologizes for the rather primitive accommodations.

"Now that I'm on the run from the Empire, I'm afraid I lack the amenities I used to be able to offer my guests."

That statement offers an excellent opening for the first question. When asked how it felt to be the only surviving member of House Organa, she gravely answers, "I will miss my parents and aunts for the rest of my life. My father was not on Alderaan until just a couple of days before its destruction, and I keep wishing that he had stayed away. If only we had known…"

As for what she misses most from her old life, the princess says, "My family, of course, but that hurts too much to talk about. But besides them, I suppose I would have to say I miss bodaaken. It's a special tea that grows— _grew_ in the mountains around Aldera. No one has ever been able to grow it on any other planet. Something about Alderaan's climate or ecology was essential to its growth. In any case, I can't really think about how much I miss my family or the magnitude of the tragedy that befell my people. I have a responsibility as the sole witness to Moff Tarkin's infamy to stay strong and lead the Alliance. But that tea—well, I can just about handle thinking about how much I miss it…"

I ask how she can continue with life when she has experienced such a tragedy. Leia gives a small smile. "My anger gives me strength. And I'm very busy. The Alliance is growing rapidly, now that the Empire's brutality has been revealed so clearly. Many people didn't believe the Empire was that bad; they had fairly comfortable lives and maybe there were some restrictions on their activities, maybe their taxes were rather high, but it wasn't really clear how far the Empire would go. Now people know.

"The Empire is willing to destroy an entire _populated_ and _unarmed_ planet as a _demonstration_ of Imperial power. So this time it was Alderaan. Next time it could be Chandrila or Corellia or maybe even Naboo. Who knows? Now people understand that this Empire has to be destroyed and the Republic restored as the rightful galactic government."

"So that's how I keep going," she continues. "I have a mission, and I will see freedom restored to the galaxy." Her face is alight with passion and determination by the end of this eloquent speech, and I think that only the coldest-hearted individuals would not be swayed to her cause if they could see her as I do.

What else helps her to keep going? "I do have many friends here in the Alliance. Some are old friends, but I've also found new ones."

Asked if her new friends include the heroes Luke Skywalker and Han Solo, she confirms the platonic relationship. She laughs a bit, then says, "They rescued me on the Death Star. They dressed up as stormtroopers so they could infiltrate the detention block [where the princess was awaiting execution], and Luke came bumbling into my cell. He didn't say anything at first, so I quipped something like, "Aren't you awfully short to be a stormtrooper?' And he whipped off his helmet and said, 'I'm Luke Skywalker. I'm here to rescue you!'

"Only it turned out they didn't have any way to get us _out_ of the detention block. Han was so irritating. Honestly, he still is! That man drives me nuts. I mean, Luke can be insane and he's not good with planning, but at least he has that open farm boy naiveté and _niceness_. Han is all brash self-confidence and idiotic rashness.

"But, you know, there are certain experiences you can't go through together without becoming friends. I guess escaping from a deadly, moon-sized battle station is one of them."

Smiling graciously, she stands, apologizing that she must attend a meeting.

Before I leave, I ask her whether she has any romantic interest in either of her handsome rescuers. She firmly denies any romantic involvement. "I have far too much to do to waste time on romance. And anyway, neither one is really my type. We're just good friends."

She tells me she is about to be late for her meeting, so I wish her well and thank her for her time.

Page 38  
 **Luke Skywalker: Farmboy Hero**

Blonde and compact, the handsome pilot Luke Skywalker is a welcome addition to the galactic scene. Originally from Tatooine, a desert planet in the remote Outer Rim, Skywalker joined the Rebellion following his daring rescue of Princess Leia Organa from the Death Star.

As bold as he is attractive, the former farm boy made a big splash when he fired the shot that destroyed the Death Star. Astonishingly, he had never piloted a ship out of atmosphere before the Battle of Yavin, and later computer simulations confirmed that hitting the two-meter-wide thermal exhaust port was impossible for the X-wing targeting computers.

_Galactic Star_ caught up with the new hero last week and asked the question the whole galaxy wants to know: _how did he make that impossible shot?_ Skywalker explained that he used the _Force_ , an enigmatic energy field that binds the galaxy together. When asked to explain how this Force enabled him to hit the port, he said he could just feel when it was the right time to fire his proton torpedoes.

We leave it to you our readers to decide if Lt. Skywalker really did use the Force, or if he had some other secret.

Page 39 **  
Han Solo: Zero or Hero?**

A new heartthrob has burst onto the galactic stage like a comet, but already there are allegations that the secondary hero of the Battle of Yavin is actually a small time crook in trouble with the criminal kingpin Jabba the Hutt.

Han Solo, a freighter captain, claims that an old man traveling with Luke Skywalker, the hotshot pilot, chartered his ship, the _Millennium Falcon_ , to travel from Tatooine to Alderaan.

"Old Man Kenobi just said he wanted to get to Alderaan," Solo said. "He didn't tell me he was wanted by the Empire—or that there was a risk we'd all be caught on that monstrosity of a Death Star. All I wanted was to earn my charter fee fair and square. But first the Empire pursued us out of Mos Eisley _[ed. note: Tatooine's major spaceport]_ , then my ship almost got pulverized by asteroids that used to be Alderaan, and to cap it all we got caught in a tractor beam and hauled aboard a space station so large, I'd never have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes."

Sources familiar with the rescue of Princess Leia claim that Solo was unwilling to assist Skywalker in freeing her until offered a large reward.

"Sure, I wasn't willing to risk my neck for some princess I never heard of without a reward. I'm a businessman and I need the dough," said Solo. The same sources assert that Solo claimed his charter fee and reward immediately upon landing at the Rebel base and refused to assist in the space battle. A separate unnamed source stated that Solo was anxious to pay off a debt to Jabba the Hutt, incurred while smuggling spice.

Luke Skywalker, when asked for comment, said, "Han didn't want to fight with us. I was pretty disappointed. He seemed like a great guy, you know? I really thought he'd come back, but he took off. He offered me a job with him, but I knew I needed to do my part to destroy that station. But, then, you know, I was right—he did come back!

"It was near the end of the battle. We were down to just a few pilots and we were making our run for the exhaust port. I had some TIEs on my tail, and they shot down one of my wingmen. [The other one] got scorched and I told him to clear out. I didn't know the flight leader was Vader until later, but he definitely had me in his sights. But then Han zoomed out of the sun's glare and blasted Vader off my tail. I knew he had the makings of a hero. In fact, I'd say he's pretty noble; he just pretends he doesn't care about people and causes. But don't tell him I said that - he hates it when I call him noble."

A reporter caught up with the freighter captain while he performed maintenance on his ship and asked for Solo's comments on Skywalker's statement. Solo growled, "I ain't a hero. You want a hero, talk to Luke. Now, I got work to do, so if you'll excuse me…." He refused to answer all further questions.

Although he disdains the label and despite his gruff rebuffs of interview requests, the galaxy's feminine population has nonetheless quickly acclaimed the rugged Solo as a hero.


	5. The Astral Register

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because even in the GFFA, there are gossip rags . . . and sometimes they are right by accident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one has a lovely, full-color cover mocked up, complete with outlandish assertions cheek-by-jowl with accidental truths. But I have no way to post it. C'est la vie . . .

**Astral Register**  
 _Celebrity News You Can Trust_ **  
**10.12.00019 **  
**

**Wedding Bells for Princess Leia?**

A source close to Princess Leia told the Astral Register that she is secretly in love with one of her Death Star rescuers! This source claims that the princess's public denials of a romance with one of the handsome pilots are due to fears about the opinion of the remaining Alderaan survivors. "They [the survivors] might disapprove of their last remaining royal being involved with a commoner," the source said. "She's really head over heels, but she can't admit it because of the public relations aspect. If it weren't for concerns over her people's disapproval, she would shout it from the rooftops."

Asked which guy Leia likes, the source refused to state. "The princess really wants to keep it private right now. They're all good friends, and Captain Solo and Lieutenant Skywalker both want to protect her privacy. It's heartwarming to see how loyal they are to each other. The princess and her boyfriend are so discreet that most of their shipmates don't even know for sure which one she is dating."

Indeed, the alleged romance is so secret that a betting pool, reportedly in the thousands of credits, is rumored to have Skywalker and Solo neck and neck in a race for the princess's affections.

_Which gorgeous flyboy has caught the elegant princess's eye? Vote below!_

**Which hunky pilot should Leia choose? Vote NOW!  
** Luke Skywalker  
Han Solo

**Grand Moff Tarkin Bombshell;** **Leaves Estate to Puppy Charity**

Grand Moff Wilhuff Tarkin has left his estate to a charity that rescues abused puppies. The fearsome regional governor clearly had a softer side that was hidden from the galaxy. **RIP** , Grand Moff Tarkin.

**Darth Vader Secretly** **Father of Twins!**

The _Astral Register_ recently received a tip from an anonymous source that Lord Darth Vader is the father of twins! This astonishing news, utterly ridiculous at first glance, may in fact be true!

Sources close to the Imperial Navy confirm that Lord Vader is currently conducting a massive manhunt for two Rebels, Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia Organa. Gigantic bounties have been offered for their capture, separately or together. Both bounties, which dwarf the economies of some small star systems, specify they must be captured alive only.

Officially, Skywalker, who tops the Most Wanted list, is being sought in connection with the destruction of the Death Star, while Organa has been charged with high treason. However, insiders believe that this may be a cover for the true reasons. Knowledgeable sources suggest that Skywalker and Organa may in fact be Vader's children. Skywalker is known to have Jedi powers, similar to those Lord Vader uses, and Organa's adoption is well known.

The potential introduction of two new players, who also happen to be Rebels, to the Imperial court would result in significant reshuffling of the power structures at the top of the Empire.


	6. BONUS: The Astral Register

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For our final exam, I included a bonus question with a bonus article. See if you can spot all the reporter's logical fallacies and poor interviewing techniques as our students had to do on their exam!

**Princess's Secret Passion:** **Chum Dishes Sweet Scoop**

**Astral Register:** How long have you known Princess Leia?

**Guejin Krast:** I met her after she officially joined the Alliance. [That was] after she was captured by the Empire.

**AR:** How did you meet her? Was she hoity-toity or down to earth?

**GK:** She came to work in the office after we evacuated Yavin. She's not stuck up at all. She does her work quietly and if she needs something, she's always super polite. She always has lunch with us when we invite her.

**AR:** Does she have a lot of close friends?

**GK:** Not really. The only people she really hangs out with when she's not working are those two guys who rescued her. And that one guy's Wookiee copilot. Chew-something.

**AR:** You're talking about Luke Skywalker and Han Solo? The ones who rescued her from the Empire?

**GK:** Yeah. They're so dreamy! I'd love to date one of them, but they're only interested in Leia. Of course, she's a princess and she's gorgeous too.

**AR:** What can you tell us about their relationships?

**GK:** Well, she _says_ she's only friends with them. Every time we try to ask her about them, that's all she says.

**AR:** Do you think that's true? Or is there a love triangle?

**GK:** A love triangle! That might be it! I mean, Lieutenant Skywalker looks kind of puppy-ish around her. And Captain Solo is always trying to flirt with her. Everybody can see _that_!

**AR:** So you're saying Skywalker and Solo are each in love with her and Princess Leia can't make up her mind?

**GK:** Maybe. I don't really believe they're just friends. And one of Lieutenant Skywalker's squadron mates is running a betting pool . . .

**AR:** And they're betting on which guy the princess is in love with?

**GK:** Yeah. I mean, the reports are the odds are pretty even, so who even knows?

**AR:** Well, you and Princess Leia are friends. What do you think will happen?

**GK:** My money's on Solo. Lieutenant Skywalker is awfully cute, but Captain Solo is the real hunk. She's probably secretly in love with him and just won't admit it.


End file.
